ONE SMALL WORD

Beautiful Day

Today was a beautiful spring day.  Unfortunately, we have not had many days like this in New England this year.  My daughter got off the bus proclaiming, "I have no homework today!"  In the next breath, she asked, "Can we go to the playground?" She had been practicing some gymnastics moves on the bars during recess and wanted to show them to me.

Initial Doubt

I won't lie, my initial thought was:  If we go to the playground, I won't get anything done around the house.  I had some housework I wanted to finish as well as some things I was doing on the computer.  If we stayed home, the kids could play outside and I could finish what I was doing in the house.

Saying "Yes"

But then I looked at my 9-year-old daughter and realized that there won't be many more times that she begs to go to the playground.  In 9 short years, she'll be off to college.  I looked into her face and saw her excitement and so I said "Yes. We can go."

It was last minute, so even though I texted several friends to see if anyone wanted to meet us, we ended up at the park alone.  It was just the three of us, but my kids played with each other like best friends.  We all enjoyed the sunshine and beautiful, clear day, and I felt so happy that I had dropped what I was doing to enjoy life and let my kids have fun.

I am so glad I told my daughter "yes."  That one small word made life so much richer today.

SAY NO

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about how I spend my time.  It is so easy to feel like there are not enough hours in the day.  My "to-do" list is so long and it seems like it just grows and grows.  Also, I don't want to spend my life just checking off items on my list---I also want some time with my family, some personal time, time to read, time to visit with friends, etc...  How do we make it all work?

I have come to the conclusion that there are two main things I can do to help me get through my list and still have that margin time that I crave.  First, I have to use the time I have wisely---no more wasting time surfing the Web or mindlessly watching TV at night.  I can still do those things, but I want to do them more intentionally and severely limit the time that I waste on these activities in a mindless way.  It just seems that they can be major time suckers and I want to change these habits that I have developed so that I can have "more" time each day.

Second, I think that I have to learn how to "say no" to many (probably most) of the requests I get to help with various school activities.  I feel like there is a fine line to walk---I want to be involved with my kids' schools and in their classrooms, but I also don't want to over-commit myself so that I am stressed out and exhausted from participating in all these school events.

Now that this school year is about to end, I have been thinking about how I feel about each of the activities in which I have been involved at school this year.  There are some volunteer positions for which I will not be volunteering again next year.  It is hard to say no, but it is so necessary if we feel like we cannot keep on top of everything at home.

If I want to have more time with my husband and more fun time with my children, then I have to prioritize that and make room for it in my life.  I can do that by scaling back on some school commitments.  For example, this year I am a room parent for both of my children's classes.  I have done this the past 4 years.  It can be fun at times, but now mostly seems to be about collecting money, which I don't enjoy and actually find somewhat stressful.  I have decided that I will not be a room parent next year and I feel good about that decision.

Another example is that this spring I am teaching Junior Achievement for my son's class. When they asked for volunteers, no one volunteered from his class, so they came right out and asked me.  I couldn't say no.  The kids are adorable and I enjoy the classroom time with my son, but it involves about an hour of prep work each week and then the teaching time, and this lasts for 5 weeks.  It is just too much time for me, so next year, I will not volunteer for this activity.

So, my plan is to work hard to be deliberate about how I use my time on-line and watching TV and also to "say no" more often to school commitments.  Then, hopefully, I will feel like I have more time to accomplish items on my "to do" list and spend with my family.

MEMORIAL DAY

Thank you to all the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom.  I think sometimes people forget that Memorial Day is not really about honoring those who are currently serving our country, but more about remembering those who died while serving our country.  It is truly the ultimate sacrifice. We owe them our freedom and our respect.

Our family observed Memorial Day by attending our local parade.  I encouraged our children to wave small American flags and to applaud the veterans as they marched by.  We wore red, white, and blue.  I always make sure our children have red, white, and blue they can wear for Memorial Day and the 4th of July (I love patriotic holidays!).

Also, at Mass this weekend, the organist played a medley of patriotic music, including the hymns of the armed forces, before Mass began.  The prayers of the faithful included a prayer for all those men and women who died while defending us.  The recessional song was America the Beautiful, which I thought was perfect.  I have heard that some people do not like patriotic music played at Mass, but I have no problem with it.  The Mass had ended and it was just beautiful to all sing that song and remember those who lost their lives.

In addition to observing Memorial Day, our family also had two family gatherings this weekend.  One was a graduation party for a family friend.  The other was a birthday party for a niece turning 4.  Both were fun events, and it was so nice to just relax and visit with family.

Today, we were hoping to just spend the day outside in our yard, just the 4 of us.  My husband and I were going to mow the grass and weed, while the kids played around us.  Then, we planned to grill our dinner and eat on the patio.  Unfortunately, the weather has not cooperated.  It is rainy and grey outside, in contradiction to the weather prediction.  We got to the parade in between showers and are now spending some time inside, which is fine, too.  And, my loving husband offered to go grocery shopping for me, which is so kind of him.

I hope you have all enjoyed the long holiday weekend.  Remember to offer a prayer for all the deceased soldiers and remind your children of the meaning of this holiday.

SPORTS: COMMITMENT TO ONE?

Sports for kids are so different now than they were when I was growing up.

I remember that when I was in fourth grade, I started playing softball.  My dad coached and I loved it.  We had practices and/or games one or two afternoons/evenings per week.  We didn't play on the weekends if I remember correctly.  The games were played at the local elementary school (the one I attended) against other teams with kids from the same school.  It was a fun experience and the teams were made up of 4th, 5th, and 6th graders.  In junior high school, there was a similar team structure.  Once I got to high school, I tried out for the softball team, made the team, and had a great time.  I certainly was not a superstar, but it was fun and we were well-coached.  We traveled by school bus to other towns to play, and my parents came to the home games.

Fast forward several years (we won't say exactly how many!).  My daughter is 9-years-old and plays softball in our town.  Wow!  How things have changed.  The primary league here starts in kindergarten (the U6 league).  We weren't even aware of it then, so she didn't play that year.  She did play in first and second grades.

As a third-grader, this is her last year on the U8 team.  Things have really progressed time-wise this year.  She has softball 3 times per week.  She has a practice for an hour a week, a skills clinic for 1.5 hours a week, and a game on Sunday afternoons for 2 hours (and for which she is supposed to come a half hour early for practice).  Did I mention that she is 9?

If she is interested in pitching, she can stay an extra 30 minutes after the skills clinic and come to a pitching clinic on Friday nights.  Luckily, she is not interested in pitching.  Whew!

Initially, I was so excited that she wanted to play softball---it is often fun to see your child participate in something you once did.   She has really enjoyed it, too, so it has been a very positive experience for her.  Unfortunately, that might actually be the problem.

She likes to play and have fun, but I am not sure she wants to commit to softball as "her thing."  From what I hear, if she wants to ever play softball in high school, she really has to start committing to softball.  That means playing the next two springs in the U10 league, which has pretty competitive rules and travels around to other towns.  She would also have to play in the summer league, which involves 3 nights per week, with travel to towns in two different counties.

At some point, but no later than middle school (6th grade), she would have to join the Softball Academy which is in the neighboring city.  She would play year-round and commit to playing many times per week, with games throughout the weekend.

So, while I love watching her play softball this year, I ask myself---what happened to sports that kids could play for fun, while learning the game, and also be able to have time for other sports, free play, and family?  My daughter might play softball the next two years and have fun, but I can't imagine she will choose it, play year-round, play on multiple teams at the same time, etc.

What happens when she gets to high school?  Will all the sports be played by kids who have been focusing year-round on a sport for the past 3-5 years?  How can this be good for our kids, let alone for our families?

For now, I guess I will just focus on this season.  She is having fun, she is 9 years old, and she still has some free time.  Who knows what the future will bring.

BOOKS FOR KIDS

Recently, my kids had a half-day of school.  Actually, it was literally a 2-hour school day, but I am not going to discuss that today.  :)

Honestly, it was great having both of my kids home for lunch and the afternoon.  We had a relaxing lunch, while I read aloud to them from a book we started reading during meals when we have time.  Then, we spent some time at the library and came home and watched Beauty and the Beast for the first time.  It was a rainy, chilly day, so this turned into a perfect afternoon.

When we were at the library, we bumped into some friends we had not seen since preschool days, and that lovely mother is so sweet.  She is from Korea and struggles a tiny bit with her English, but is so friendly and it was nice to see her.  She has a daughter who is in second grade, a year younger than my daughter, and she asked me what books my daughter is reading.  She mentioned that it is hard for her to help her daughter select books because, as she grew up in Korea, she is not familiar with many of the children's books or series books that are considered classics here.  

I never thought of that struggle for parents who did not grow up here.  Often, for my children, I suggest books that I remember reading during my own childhood.  Most recently, I encouraged my daughter to start the Little House on the Prairie books.  

The funny thing is, though, that just before I bumped into this mom, I was perusing the shelves of chapter books, thinking to myself that I should do a better job recommending books for my children and being aware of what they are reading.  Sometimes, they choose books from the school library and get hooked on series with which I am not very familiar.  Should I read this books at night while they are sleeping to get an idea of what they are reading?

Should I research books for them and lovingly push them toward certain books?  At some point, I am certain that they will want to pick out all of their own books, and I guess I will just trust that they choose wisely.  For now, though, I think they will still pay attention to my suggestions and will still enjoy it when I select a book to read aloud to them over several months.  

Summer is coming and while I do print out the summer reading lists suggested by our schools, I most definitely preview those books, and do not find that I think they are all appropriate for my kids.  We usually end up making our own book lists, and they have a great time working through the lists all summer.  

Does anyone have any suggestions for books for a third-grade girl and a first-grade boy?  I would love to hear your ideas!  

HALF-DAY KINDERGARTEN

This year, my son is enrolled in half-day kindergarten.  Our town has full-day kindergarten, but it is by choice only and has a pretty hefty price tag.  I actually love half-day kindergarten.  It is my preference and, to be honest, I am so grateful that our town still offers it.   I have heard of more and more towns that are requiring full-day kindergarten for all students.  Personally, I think that that change is a shame.

Kindergarten kids are still little, and I think half-day kindergarten is the perfect transition from preschool to first grade.  It is  the last year to have extra playtime.  Let's face it---once full-day school hits, the kids are busy and free time is very limited.  In fact, we asked some children from the full-day kindergarten class to come for a play date after school, and their moms both said that they simply cannot do after-school play dates this year because their children are just too tired.  I can certainly understand, because, with the bus ride, these little guys are gone from 7:45 a.m. to 3:15 p.m.  That is over 7 hours, and they are only 5 and 6 years old!  I love half-day kindergarten because it lets our little kids be little for one more year.

I look forward to my alone time with my little guy each day.   My son goes to afternoon kindergarten, which I love.  We have relaxed mornings, only having to worry about getting my daughter off to school.  My son stays in his pajamas until mid-morning.  We have "Mom and Son" time, where he gets to choose the activity we will do together---sometimes building with blocks or Legos, sometimes playing air hockey, and sometimes shooting hoops in the driveway.  Occasionally, we meet friends at the park to play or go to the library.  On snowy mornings, we snuggle up in our pjs and read stories cuddled under a blanket.  It really is the most special time together!

We eat an early lunch together so that he can get on his bus just before noon.  I love our lunches, just my son and me.  If the weather is nice, we eat outside on the patio.  Always, we read a book while we eat.  Usually, we eat a bit and then, I read a picture book or two to him while he finishes his lunch.  He chooses the book, although sometimes he asks me to pick one and surprise him.  We read a lot of books about volcanoes, super heroes, and sports.  Then, we go to the bus stop and while we wait for the bus, he plays in the snow banks, or we finish reading a book together, or we play I Spy.  The bus pulls up and my little guy gives me the biggest hug and kiss and says, "See you at the end of my day, Mom.  I love you!" Then, he gets on the bus and disappears (his head is not tall enough to see over the tops of the seats!).

Half-day kindergarten has been a blessing for us.  Lately, I have been trying to soak up all the moments the two of us have together each morning because the school year is coming to an end in a month and he will be off to full-day school next year.  I will miss my little buddy, but will treasure the memories of this half-day kindergarten year.  Let them be little!

COOKING LESS

On Mother's Day, I read sections of two books that really made me think.  The first book was How Do You Tuck in a Superhero? by Rachel Balducci.  The second book was Say Goodbye to Survival Mode by Crystal Paine.

These books really made me think.  You see, cooking is not my strong point.  I am great at getting organized, creating schedules, multitasking, corresponding, and planning.   I am not great at cooking, hosting parties, researching recipes, and trying new foods.

Both of the books I referenced above describe similar situations.  Rachel Balducci talks about how her family of 5 boys would just love it when she would re-stock the pantry and have plenty of ready-to-go food on hand.  She said she had to stop worrying about her boys eating processed food.  Cooking elaborate meals was not her strength or what her family wanted or needed.

Crystal Paine said cooking, planning parties, fashion, and decorating were not her talents.  She used to compare herself to other moms who excelled in these areas, and she thought she just needed to try harder or spend more time learning these tasks.  However, she soon realized that she didn't need to spend extra hours trying to master these skills.  Instead, she should focus on the skills that came naturally to her and that she enjoyed doing---things like marketing, running a business, and homeschooling.  On page 30, she says:

"Instead of beating myself up over what I can't do, I'm learning to appreciate, focus on, and exercise those areas where I have natural abilities.  And I have found much joy in being who God has created me to be, not in trying to be someone else.  This has helped me spend my time more efficiently, with purpose, and in areas that best benefit my family and me."

So, for me, I am slowly coming to realize that cooking has caused a lot of stress in my life.  I agonize about a menu plan for the upcoming week.  I cringe when I see that 5:00 is approaching and I have to start cooking dinner.  If, however, I have something planned that is a tried-and-true meal, easy to make, and not an involved recipe, I am much more relaxed in the afternoon and much more patient with my kids.   I don't dread dinner time when I know I have a quick, easy meal to make.  Plus, we usually have more time to sit around the table together because I haven't spent so much of our family time in the kitchen.

I have decided to think differently about my meal planning from now on.  I won't try any new recipes on week nights.  I won't stress about repeating a meal from the prior week.  What I want is more time around the dinner table as a family.  I think my kids want time with me more than a fancy meal.  I am going to try to give my kids healthy foods, but just simpler ones---cut up fruit and easy steamed veggies go great with any main course.  Breakfast for dinner is just fine.  I feel better already now that I am going to just accept this about myself.  Thank you, Rachel and Crystal!  Now, I will probably create an organized binder of all my simple, weeknight meals.   :)

MOTHER'S DAY 2014

I love Mother's Day.  Our family does not have specific Mother's Day traditions or extended family gatherings, but sometimes a quiet day can be just perfect.

The weather here in New England on Mother's Day was absolutely beautiful.  Lately, we had not been having very nice weather, but on Mother's Day, I awoke to see the sun shining through our open bedroom window.  (As an aside, one of the things I love is sleeping with one of our bedroom windows open so I can wake up and see the sunshine if it is, indeed, shining!)   I felt an extra spring in my step purely because it was a beautiful, sunny day.  I think it ended up being about 80 degrees, which was just glorious.

First thing, my family showered me with homemade cards and gifts.  My 6-year-old son presented me with a pink flower in a hand-decorated flower pot, with a note sticking out of it.  He also gave me a picture frame decorated with hearts with his picture in the center (the teacher had taken his picture at school).  It is the cutest thing because he had just lost his first tooth, so the picture is adorable.  My 9-year-old daughter, gave me a two-page letter in which she wrote all the things she loves about me and how grateful she is for all that I do for her.  It is so precious and thoughtful.  She also presented me with a paper titled "Mom's Gazette" with a "newspaper article" called World's Greatest Mom, under which she drew a picture of herself and me.  I just love these handmade gifts.

We started the day by attending church.  The Mass was beautiful and the priest took several opportunities to acknowledge mothers.  He asked us all to observe a moment of silence to remember our own mother, he said a special prayer for all deceased mothers, and he gave a blessing to all mothers in attendance.  At one point, he asked all the children to give their mother a hug.  I got lots of hugs and some peaceful time to pray for my deceased grandmothers and mother-in-law.

After church, my husband and kids got to work setting up the patio.  That is what I asked for them to do on Mother's Day this year.  We hadn't gotten around to it yet because the weather had not been very nice, but I enjoy the patio so much all summer and could not wait to start using it.  It was so cute to see my husband and kids setting it all up and wiping all the furniture down.  They were busy little bees!

We enjoyed a nice lunch on the completed patio and then, believe it or not, I sat outside and read a book for two hours.  Yes, two entire hours!!!  The kids were playing in the backyard, and at one point, my daughter came up on the patio and read her book in the chair next to me.  It was absolutely delightful!  (I will have to talk about the books I read in another post---I am enjoying them.)

After reading, I called my own mom, who lives 2 hours away and had been out on a hike with my sister and her family.  We didn't visit her on Mother's Day this year because we had just been there recently.  It was great to talk to her and wish her a nice day.  We had sent her a care package of homemade gifts earlier in the week, which she really enjoyed.

When I hung up with my mom, I went on a walk by myself for about a half hour.  We really wanted to take a family walk or hike, but my son was suffering a bit from allergies, so we decided that might be a bit too exerting for him.  Anyway, I loved my walk in the late afternoon sun and even jogged the last bit to get in a little more exercise.  :)

When I came home, I found that my dear husband had heated up dinner (we had decided to have leftovers to keep things a bit simpler, as my husband is just getting over a serious illness so he has limited energy right now).  It was so nice to get cleaned up, have a family dinner, and read to my kids.

The day after Mother's Day, I was talking with several moms during baseball practice.  They had both gone away for Mother's Day for day trips with extended family.  They had enjoyed the large family gatherings, but said that my day sounded so relaxing and special.  I agree.  My day was relaxing and special, and I will remember it forever.

CANDY UPDATE

Well, my fears were confirmed at my daughter's second softball practice, when, at the end of the practice, the coach said to someone, "Go get the container of Twizzlers and each girl can take one."  It seems that at the end of each practice and game, every girl gets a piece of candy.  Why do we have to give the kids candy all the time?  For softball alone, that is three times per week.

It seems we are also in full birthday party mode now with at least one of my kids invited to a birthday party every weekend.  The goody bags always seem to contain multiple pieces of candy.  I do understand that, as I think candy has been a typical party favor for years, but add all that candy to the new sports candy, and we have a pantry of candy around here.

I am not sure what rules to put in place around candy consumption in our home.  For starters, each child has a ziploc bag in the pantry that contains all of his or her candy.  They have bulging bags, of course.   Basically, every once in a while I ask them to go through their bags and toss whatever seems old or unappealing at that point (hardly any pieces are ever unappealing, of course!)

The other day, my son asked if he could have a piece of candy.  When I said, "Not today," he said,"Well, Mom, if I have a piece now, that would be less to throw out later."  Good point.  :)

It is just that I don't remember having a constant pile of candy when I was a kid.  I wish the kids could just play baseball or softball without getting a reward every time.  I wish kids could go to a birthday party and receive one piece of candy, instead of ten.  I wish kids would get one piece of candy at each house on Halloween, instead of four or five.

What do you think?  Does the amount of candy given to our children bother you?

ABOUT ME

Hi there.  My name is Christine.  I am married to a wonderful man, and together, we have 2 children here and 3 angels in Heaven.  We have a 9-year-old girl and a 6-year-old boy, who are generally happy kids.

I am very organized and love coming up with processes to simplify things in our family.  I also love to read, especially outside on our patio with the sunshine as my lamp. :)

 I love to take walks and do that regularly (with a small amount of jogging included) in the nicer weather for exercise.  I enjoy country music and have been known to really blast a favorite song while I am cleaning or puttering around the house.

Finally, but most importantly, I am Catholic and try every day to put my faith first in my life.

Welcome to my blog!  I am glad you are here.

MY LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH PODCASTS

I have recently discovered podcasts.  I have no idea if I am way behind on this one, but I recently found out about podcasts and really loved them...at first.

The idea is great.  I love to listen to a podcast while I am folding laundry or cooking dinner.  I would much rather listen to a radio show about living life as a Catholic couple or about being a good mom than I would watch some junk television show with no redeeming quality.  In the beginning, I listened to podcasts and felt inspired and happy when the radio show was over.  Usually, I learned something or paused to think about something in my life.

The problem is that I truly listen and, in order to listen, sometimes I can't focus on the task at hand as completely as I should. For example, when I am listening to a podcast while cooking dinner, I am pretty sure it takes me longer to cook dinner than it would if I were focusing solely on that task alone, without any distractions.

Also, I feel less able to switch gears if my kids should interrupt me during a podcast.  Usually, I run over to pause the program and then try to focus on my kids, hoping I can quickly resolve their issues and get back to my program.  How ironic---sometimes I rush through helping my kids to get back to listening to a podcast telling me how to be a better mom.

I find that sometimes I turn to music to accompany my chores when I feel I need to get through them a little more quickly.  If I need to clean the bathroom, I can do it faster with music in the background than if I am trying to follow a podcast.

Overall, I think podcasts are helpful and interesting.  I know there are lots of great, short TED talks from which to choose, and that I can try to listen only when the kids are at school or when they are in bed, so maybe I will just set a few limits for myself and that will do the trick.  :)

I wonder how often other moms listen to podcasts.  If anyone has any thoughts, I would love to hear them.

By the way, if you are wondering which podcasts are my favorites---I love to listen to Catholics in a Small Town, the Power of Mom, the Catholics Next Door, and sometimes TED talks.  What are some other great mothering podcasts?

TOO MUCH CANDY

This week my kids received candy three times.  There wasn't even a major holiday involved.  Why do kids get candy almost every time we turn around?

First, my daughter was given a some candy at the end of her softball practice.  It was her first practice, so maybe that was the reason why the coach felt the need to hand out candy.  Don't get me wrong, I think it was very generous of the coach to buy candy for all the girls on the team, but do they really need it?

Second, my daughter went to a birthday party and got a bunch of candy in the goody bag.  Almost every birthday party my kids go to involves candy.  I understand that kids like candy, but there were plenty of other things in the goody bag---was there really a need to include candy?

Third, my son had his first Little League game and parade this morning.  He came away with his baseball cap full of candy.  He was so busy trying to collect the candy while he was marching in the parade that he never saw or heard us cheering for him on the sidelines.

The consequence of all of this is that now my kids have a stash of candy in the pantry and at least once each day they ask me if they can eat some.  Usually, I say no and they don't really pursue it, but there it sits week after week, with the pile growing after each sports game, holiday, or birthday party.

Why do I have such a problem with candy? Well, there is the obvious reason that it is bad for their teeth to eat candy.  It is just too much sugar.  Also, I feel that they shouldn't have to have a treat to appreciate their coach at the end of a practice or game or to have fun marching in a parade.  In fact, maybe they would appreciate their surroundings a bit more if they weren't so focused on candy.

Finally, when they get candy for everyday occasions throughout the week, candy loses its special quality.  Then, if they get some candy in their stocking or Easter basket, it is not such a big deal---after all, they each have a huge stash of it already on hand in the pantry.  Even at Halloween this year, there were several houses in our neighborhood where the people told my kids to take 4 or 5 pieces of candy each! We had so much candy afterwards, that we ended up keeping 10 pieces each and donating the rest to the troops.  If we hadn't done that, we would still be eating Halloween candy, only now, we would have lots of other candy on top of it---from other holidays, sports teams, and birthday parties.

In my opinion, there is just too much candy handed out to our children.